Hello 2015. I have high hopes for you. I don’t think you will be spectacular, but you couldn’t possibly be as much as a pain in my ass as 2014 was. I expected to be hit with some emotion as the new year started without my husband. That expectation was met in spades. Although I feel I am making good progress at putting my life back together and moving forward, some days his absence is just so very glaring.
I left work early yesterday to pick up the updated final death certificate. I plan to scan and email it to the woman assigned to my life insurance claim. I am not counting my chickens before they hatch, but I know that getting the life insurance money, even though it isn’t a huge amount, will really help me breathe so much easier. I will have options to be able to move forward in a very real way, and while it is so scary, it is also a little exciting. So, here is my checklist (don’t you dare mistake them as resolutions, those are for chumps!):
1. Figure out where I am going to live. I cannot afford my house on my current income and any possible insurance money would just be pissed away into the gaping hole of upside down that my house is in. I have 4 dogs so renting will be a challenge. I think it is time to get serious about a house hunt.
2. Settle all of my husband’s debt. Arizona is a community property state, which means I get half of his debts accrued during our marriage. Luckily, he had very little debt so this should be cake.
3. Take a damn vacation. I seriously need some fun and fast! If I should ever see my husband again, I want to have so many stories to tell him about how I lived life to the fullest. It is time to start making it happen.
4. Simplify, de-clutter, and clean. I need to get serious about going through his old things so I can have the time I need before leaving the house to make sure I am making good decisions. I also need to pare down my own possessions. They don’t really matter.
5. Get a plan in order to make sure new guy and I have more time in person to get to know each other more and slowly start letting more people in on our secret that we are together. It is hard to gauge who will be ready for it and when, but things feel like they are heading in a direction where people will need to adjust to the idea of him in my life.
Good thing for today: I cooked and ate one heck of a fine steak for lunch.