Screw Christmas. Screw packages, boxes, and bows. Screw mistletoe and lights. Screw smiles of recognition that fade into grotesque sad clown faces. Screw my lack of ability to get a single “Merry Christmas” or card without the caveat “I know this will be hard for you.” Screw platitudes and praise of strength. Screw my brother for calling me yesterday commenting that my “attire” has changed only for me to find out that he is referring to my lack of wedding ring that I have not worn since October. Screw the people that didn’t even bother to call. Screw the people that did and made it about my grief. Screw my five month sadaversary coming the day after Christmas. Screw 2014- the single worst year of my life. Screw 2015 for having the audacity to arrive without him. Screw the funk I have found myself in that keeps on creeping in any time my mind is quiet and giving me a small reprieve. Screw it all!
Good thing for today: I finally cleaned off his sink yesterday. No more stubble and globs of toothpaste. It is another thing that is mine that I needed to reclaim and now have.
Bonus good thing: New guy has a ticket booked to fly out MLK weekend, I am very much looking forward to it!
I’d like to screw this festive season 27 different ways, too. This made me smile because I can’t articulate it anywhere near as good as you just did… It made me feel better just to read, though. Fist bump of solidarity… You aren’t alone.
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I love the term ‘sadaversary.’ I hope it’s ok if I steal that. 🙂
Yes! Steal away. I didn’t come up with it, I saw it, loved it and made it my own. Do the same! 🙂
Bah Humbug Ditto ! 🙂