Day 32: 1000 oceans

Today has probably been the day I have cried the most since the first week. If I wasn’t sobbing and screaming in despair, my eyes were just silently leaking tears. I went through three large bottles of water just in the morning but still ended up with a splitting headache. I think a bit of the comforting layer of shock is beginning to fray at the edges and reality is seeping in. So since I obviously wasn’t depressed enough, I decided some sad music was in order. I settled on 1000 Oceans by Tori Amos because I could relate to some of lyrics, such as:

These tears I’ve cried
I’ve cried 1000 oceans
And if it seems
I’m floating in the darkness
Well, I can’t believe that I would keep
Keep you from flying
And I would cry 1000 more
If that’s what it takes
To sail you home

Sometimes a song can take everything from your heart and explain it more beautifully than you ever could, so the song being put on repeat told my story for me so I could just let the tears roll.

In other news, after how much my list yesterday helped me shift my thinking even for a little while, I have decided to start adding a positive or an accomplishment, even if it is small, to all of my posts going forward. Today I am sharing a small accomplishment. I straightened my hair for the first time since before everything happened, which made me look slightly less like a depressed hobo.