Home » Uncategorized » Day 20: celebrations and envy

Day 20: celebrations and envy

Today is my parents’ 44th wedding anniversary. Considering how long marriages last these days coupled with their young ages at the time of only 18 and 19 years old, it is a testament to how strong their bond is. A marriage that has endured so many years deserves to be celebrated, especially since they still even have managed to keep not only loving each other, but also liking each other. With recent events, they had not bothered to make any plans to celebrate, which I let my father know was simply unacceptable. Being the parents they are, I got a call back letting me know they made dinner reservations, only for three instead of two and also letting me know they would be picking me up at my house.It was not what I planned, but it was made clear it wasn’t up to me so I guess I’m having steak for dinner.

As much as I am happy, proud, and want to celebrate, I am reminded this is an anniversary my husband and I will never celebrate. We made it to seven and would be at eight on October 15th. I felt so secure in our relationship I thought we would be together for decades. Instead, we got a total, including dating, of 10 years. It simply isn’t fair. I think events like this are helping to take away the shock, but considering what creeps in when the shock takes even a short holiday makes me hope shock and I remain friends for the long term.

I read an article today because that is what I do lately, crawl the internet in search of grief resources and those that have had a common experience. The article really spoke to what I have been feeling and is worth a read if you have experienced a sudden death because I almost felt I was behaving normally. See below:


3 thoughts on “Day 20: celebrations and envy

  1. I met my husband on my birthday back in 2008. He was the best present I’ve ever had but of course it made my last birthday very bittersweet. I spent the evening having dinner with my parents and it was the emptiest feeling I’ve ever experienced because I should have been spending the evening with Jason. It has been over four months and people will tell you it gets easier. It doesn’t really…but that’s okay. Be very kind to yourself and know that you aren’t alone even when it feels like you’re orbiting without a lifeline.


    • Birthday season is coming up for me as well. His was September 3rd and mine is September 13th. This time of year I’m usually embroiled in pulling off some sort of birthday surprise because he loved surprises so much. The goal was blowing his mind with a 3D printer that I’d been saving for the whole year. Instead, those funds paid for his service. It’s still just unbelievable to me.


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