Day 20: celebrations and envy

Today is my parents’ 44th wedding anniversary. Considering how long marriages last these days coupled with their young ages at the time of only 18 and 19 years old, it is a testament to how strong their bond is. A marriage that has endured so many years deserves to be celebrated, especially since they still even have managed to keep not only loving each other, but also liking each other. With recent events, they had not bothered to make any plans to celebrate, which I let my father know was simply unacceptable. Being the parents they are, I got a call back letting me know they made dinner reservations, only for three instead of two and also letting me know they would be picking me up at my house.It was not what I planned, but it was made clear it wasn’t up to me so I guess I’m having steak for dinner.

As much as I am happy, proud, and want to celebrate, I am reminded this is an anniversary my husband and I will never celebrate. We made it to seven and would be at eight on October 15th. I felt so secure in our relationship I thought we would be together for decades. Instead, we got a total, including dating, of 10 years. It simply isn’t fair. I think events like this are helping to take away the shock, but considering what creeps in when the shock takes even a short holiday makes me hope shock and I remain friends for the long term.

I read an article today because that is what I do lately, crawl the internet in search of grief resources and those that have had a common experience. The article really spoke to what I have been feeling and is worth a read if you have experienced a sudden death because I almost felt I was behaving normally. See below: